Arusha Arusha Update 4 (in the style of Dan Le Sac vs Scroobius Pip)

Thou shalt not:

- become addicted to The Gardener's Daughter after publicly slating it in my previous note

- put a 2ft 6-year-old child on the swings and push him too hard causing him to fall off and land on his head

- quote me unhappy ($250 for a half day walk in the park).

- shit on the floor outside the classroom used to eat lunch and then run to Teacher Dominic yelling "Come see! Come see!"

- sit in camera shot directly behind a key witness at the Rwanda genocide tribunal so that everyone can see your stupid mug in the background every time he speaks

- play the same ads every commercial break so that your 2 year-old host sister's favourite words are Coca Cola (or "cola cola" in her words), Celtel and Vodacom (the two main mobile phone operators)

- make generic, repetitive bongo flava

- make generic, repetitive bongo flava

- make generic, repetitive bongo flava

- spoil your first born so that when the second born arrives, the lack of attention results in continuous piercing screams

- do the funky chicken in the bongo flava room of the local Afican nightclub (Colobus)

- drink four beers and eight shots of Konyagi on a Monday evening

- be stupid enough to think a buffalo is similar to a woolly mammoth and be disappointed upon seeing a large cow

- stray too far from the armed park ranger and find yourself face-to-face with a warthog (if only for a split second before it legs it)

and my favourite original lyric:

- treat disasters which occur in non-English speaking countries with less importance than those which occur in English speaking ones